I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
just found out that she named her cat after me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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