She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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