I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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