Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
