There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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