if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
