hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
