i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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