"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And then my night got REAL pukey
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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