I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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