i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
