So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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