Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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