my vag is so smooth its legendary
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
