He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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