we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
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I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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