I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
