If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
