If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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