carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.