Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages