dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.