No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
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Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.