She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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