I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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