you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize