who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
