I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
