I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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