why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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