Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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