Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize