of course. lets lasso hookers.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude