I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.