Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.