i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.