you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?