If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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