I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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