I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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