Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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