Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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