You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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