It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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