i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
