Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
