apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
