why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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