So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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