im six kinds of drunk right now
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
