God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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