I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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