try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
