We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
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Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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