well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
