Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
