Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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