Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
