just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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