I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I need moral support for this bender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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