The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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