The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
