all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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