All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
