Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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