So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
