Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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