final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
