and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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