Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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