3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
