In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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