I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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