People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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