Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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