Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
